The prospect of Donald Trump as President of the world’s largest failed social experiment might be a depressing thought for many, but John Keys, New Zealand’s most popular Prime Minister this decade, is convinced it would have its advantages.
“Having a man with no idea of what government actually does, who’s prone to mallard repression… millerpotism… slips of the tongue, and whose interactions with the media are often totally unbefitting of someone in that position – having him as the head of a country… well at least it would take the pressure off me,” he told WWNews in an exclusive interview.
Taking the opportunity to also announce a bold new innovative programme that will see New Zealand mammalian predator-free by the year 2050, Mr Keys said that research had shown that such an initiative would have a great effect on the economy.
“We’ve crunched the numbers,” he said. “We’ve shredded them as well, incinerated them at 451°F and sealed them in a time capsule and it looks very promising that such a programme as the one what we are propositioning will be good for all New Zealanders in that it will deflect their attention away from bursting housing bubbles and the syphoning of the Education budget off to members of the ACT Party who want to set up bogus educational facilities.”
Mr Keys said the eradication programme would target a broad range of mammalian predators destroying this country’s very foundation . “Although we’ll leave Dom Harvey and Veitchy for Stage 2,” he smirked in that waggish way that makes ponytailed women call for the police.
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