July 28, 2015 by Doug Coutts
New Zealand’s most popular Prime Minister since records began last Tuesday, John Keys, has announced he will be increasing his share-holding in beleaguered prison operator Serco, and gifting the shares to one of his sons.
At the moment Mr Keys owns a little under 0.00% of Serco which will increase to just over half if the deal goes through, he told a press conference earlier today. “It may seem a little crazy, I must admit, given just how badly the company seems to have performed in recent weeks,” Mr Keys said. “But I’m sure they’re going to turn the business around – all it needs is a good shake up, which I’m sure some of the prisoners will be able to help with!”
Mr Keys said he was confident his son, currently having a pedicure at the Como Shambala Turks & Caicos resort before dining on a selection of fresh Black Rhino testes*, would enjoy the responsibility. “He’s got a pretty level head on those tanned shoulders, plus it will fulfil a lifelong dream – ever since I’ve known him, he’s always wanted a Mickey Mouse outfit.”
Serco management was unavailable for comment, although WWNews received an email denial that they had been gagged. “It’s just some of the D Wing guys playing with their pillow cases,” the email read.
*left ones only