July 5, 2015 by Doug Coutts
Celebrity gossip cut-and-paster Pebbles l’Estranger van Fiction has quit her job at Auckland’s leading daily newspaper the NZ Herlad and will be taking up a senior position at the Weakly Whirled News, it was announced today.
“We’re pleased to announce that we have obtained Pebble’s services at very short notice,” WWNews’s communications manager Des Invermay-Schone told a packed press conference earlier this evening. “I know you all have to race to the airport, but let me just say that we have been looking to expand our operation into Auckland, and we’re delighted that someone of Pebble’s calibre – a semi-jacketed flathead rimfire – is able to come on board to alienate, insult and belittle people that we at head office either don’t have the time to or wouldn’t think of picking on.”
Asked if he was concerned that Pebbles’s departure from the Herlad was under a cloud, Mr Invermay-Schone said he was perfectly happy. “She borrowed an umbrella along with enough office stationery to keep her going until we send a box of pens up.”
Mr Invermay-Schone added that he was looking forward to meeting his new staffer’s equally famous parents. “I’ve been a big fan for ages. I’ve always wondered how her dad manages to propel that car without getting calluses on his feet. And as for Wilma’s hairdo – it’s classic!”
In other news, regular readers will notice WWNews has had a bit of a revamp, much like the Herlad’s new online look. And like them, our commitment to bringing you the news in an easily digested palatable form – otherwise known as pap – remains the same. Except we try harder with the typos.