Privy Council rules on St Bede’s homework detention case

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March 25, 2015 by Doug Coutts

Bluebottle_TGUMThe parents of a Year 11 student at prestigious Christchurch secondary school St Bede’s are claiming a moral victory tonight after the Privy Council declared the school’s handing out of a detention for incomplete homework “dodgy”.

Justin Tightald, 15, had failed to hand in an essay on the subject “God loves Christchurch, just look at the name”, despite being given three extensions and a night-time ride on the groundkeeper’s Humvee mower, said the Deputy Proctorectus Ollie Irvinthau. “Boys know there have to be consequences and three hours sharpening the senior prefects’ gold toothpicks is standard for this sort of thing.”

Justin’s family disagreed and bought an urgent hearing at the Privy Council on the grounds of extreme hardship combined with a lack of couth and too much money. “It was incredibly inconvenient to the family to have Justin away for the evening,” the boy’s father Waylon told WWNews on condition we mentioned the Maserati used just to get the wheelibins to the wrought platinum gates. “That was the day we were having a second Jacuzzi installed in the polo hall and it’s a tradition the whole family shares the first hot tub together – clothing optional!”

While the Privy Council now has no power in New Zealand, it was sufficiently impressed by the size of Mr Tighthald’s cheque to issue a judgment on the case. The board of St Bede’s is expected to hold a meeting to discuss the matter once members have returned from midweek skiing in Klosters.

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