January 27, 2015 by Doug Coutts
Following the international consternation after an unstaffed helicopterous device was found in the grounds of the White House, guards at the Queen’s summer holiday retreat Balmoral Castle have reported finding a drone (pictured right) lying on the front lawn.
“Och, we have a guid idee whence it came,” Warrant Officer Al Derlangzein told WWNews on condition we didn’t ask him anything about his kilt. “We dinnae bother aboot defusing, it just went intae the haggis pot.”
In a related story, police in Dunedin are also investigating a stray drone but believe it has just lost its way back to the hive.
And in a breaking development, WWNews management has just issued instructions to staff that production on further drone jokes is to cease immediately.
In local news, a Lumsden woman has reacted badly to comments on a story in an online newspaper. After reading an item about some dingaling somewhere having a bit of bad luck and expecting crowd-funding to sort it out, Betty Fingster-Dew briefly scrolled through the hundreds of incensed comments before turning off her computer and going out into the garden. Managing editor of Newslike Content, Phil Hitworth-Papp, described the woman’s response as “dangerous” and “not what you’d expect in a country like this”.
“That sort of reaction is potentially disastrous,” he told WWNews exclusively on condition we wouldn’t believe what happened next. “People should be encouraged to contribute and voice their opinion. Otherwise not only is democracy threatened but we’d have to send out our staff to find some real stories. And they’ve all got Pippins and Keas after school.”
To sports now, where controversy rages over the upcoming boxing match between Jesse Ryder and Cameron Slater. Organisers have been quick to dismiss the likelihood of serious injury, particularly brain damage.
Staying with sport, Sky TV has apologised for comments made by its commentators during the recent ODI. “One of the team inadvertently described an element of play,” company spokesperson Lyra Lilapantsonfire said in a hastily typed press statement. “However brief, it may have caused offence to viewers expecting comments on the pretty girls, descriptions of the lunch menu, what they did on their day off and plugs for books, radio shows or lines of clothing. We have issued instructions for it not to happen again.” Members of the commentary team were unavailable for comment, according to their agents, at any price.
Finally the weather, where it never rains but it pours. Not round here it doesn’t.