Lorde calls it quits

mlb_tv_275New Zealand singing sensation and voice of a generation Lorde has admitted in a frank interview that she always thought the ornamental bed covering hand-stitched by women whose husbands were down at the bowling club were called quits.

“I didn’t know there was an L in it,” she told Frank, WWNews’s entertainment reporter. “You learn something new every day. I only hope tomorrow’s new thing will be more interesting.”

In other news, Facebook has banned three people for guessing what happened next, after complaints from the Huffington Post. HuffPost spokesperson Tia Saffilt-Meiyeiss told WWNews the phrase ‘you’ll never guess what happens next’ was never meant to be a challenge. “If we genuinely wanted people to guess, we’d make it a lot more difficult,” she said. “And we wouldn’t have so many dogs and old people. We’d make it more cryptic, like maybe have a dog and an old person trying to assemble a bbq from Bunnings in under three hours. Yeah, someone should video that.”

Facebook declined to comment on the matter but did post a “How intolerant to us dumbing the world down are you?” quiz. A hastily-assembled (thanks Bunnings) WWNews team scored 19 out of a possible 20, only getting the “Clarke and Dawe are to humor as Kim and Khloe are to …” wrong. No one ever guessed that ‘cheap slags’ wasn’t even on the list of possibles.

To the weather now and the heatwave is set to continue. If predicted temperatures of up to 25 at the Basin Reserve tomorrow eventuate, some of the Sri Lankan cricket team may remove one or more of their sweaters.


Categories: In Breaking News

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