Local man arrested for self-wrapping presents

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December 25, 2014 by Doug Coutts

mall-of-america-openerA Tararua District resident will appear in court on Monday charged with not toeing the line after he refused to join the queue for free gift-wrapping at a local shopping centre late yesterday afternoon.

Staff at the Mangatainoka Mega Mall called police after the man was spotted getting into his car with what appeared to be a bag of expensive presents, a Sellotape dispenser and three rolls of Shortathannitlooks XmasRap.

Police promptly arrested the man, identified as Cam Udgen, 59, according to police spokeswoman Sha Kinverpark. “Our team is usually prompt anyway but this time we were prompter than usual,” she told WWNews on condition we also squared up our outstanding warrants and fines. “We were able to arrest the man and defuse the situation, which could have turned ugly if he’d taken his shirt off.”

wrapping_2013Manager of the mall Lisa Sipferry-Newell said getting disaffected school-leavers to clumsily wrap hastily chosen tat was a cornerstone of the Kiwi Christmas shopping experience. “The last thing our customers want at the end of a long day in the Warehouse or Low Number of Dollars Shop is to actually put some thought into what it is they’ve bought and who it’s destined for,” she told WWNews on condition we paid full whack for the parking. “They’re tired and just want to go home, throw the stuff under the tree and get back on Facebook. And we’re happy to facilitate that.”

The arrested man was unavailable for comment, having had to head back to Bunnings to pick up a discount ladder tall enough to reach his horse, said to be quite high.

To the weather now, and it’s going to be a bright sunny Christmas Day, perfect for beach cricket or Basin Reserve surf-casting.

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Staff and management of the Weakly Whirled News would like to wish all readers a happy Christmas and a prosperous New Year, especially if it means they might afford the premium sub.

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