Hairpiece looking to rebuild

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December 10, 2014 by Doug Coutts

il_340x270.452959336_22bbThe wig formerly belonging to convicted killer and media darling Philip John Smith is feeling on “toupee” the world and looking forward to a brand new life after being freed from prison yesterday.

“It’s been a living hell,” the wig told WWNews on condition we didn’t reveal its exact percentage of synthetic fibre. “You can’t explain what it’s like being glued on with flour paste every day and smothered in brylcreem while everyone stares at you and sniggers behind your back. I’m just glad it’s over.”

A lawyer for Smith predicted his client would probably sue the wig of breach of contract. “It’s an avenue he’s exploring, metaphorically speaking.   He’s feeling somewhat exposed naturally and although his fellow inmates have offered to knit him beanies, he feels a bit wary of turning up for a fitting.”

The wig plans to take some time for a few days before seeking another job, though not with Corrections. “I think I’d like to try something different, perhaps in cricket or boxing.”

948089-doug-bollinger barry

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