November 30, 2014 by Doug Coutts
Ageing Aussie rockstar and drumming legend Phil Rudd – in fetching pastels, bottom left – has instructed his lawyer to commence legal proceedings against the other members of his band, ACDC, on the ground of deception.
Mr Rudd was unavailable for comment but lawyer Elsie Kneething-Furkash told WWNews her client would be rigorously pursuing the band for a large sum. “They owe him big time,” she said. “For years Mr Rudd laboured under the misapprehension that everything the vocalists said was true. Even though most of it rhymed and was in time to music, he was nonetheless unaware the words were just made-up lyrics, not a belief system, and organised his day-to-day affairs accordingly.”
Had Mr Rudd known his drumming was merely to provide backing for pop-music songs, not to reinforce tenets and guides for living, Ms Kneething-Furkash said, he would not now resemble a gap-toothed roué still living out a teenage fantasy. “He’d have shaved more often for a start.”
Mr Rudd was seeking a sum in the region of $60 billion, but would settle for three tinnies and a Bugatti Veyron, Ms Kneething-Furkash said.
An ACDC spokesman Hugh deKleint-Hoobyneymd said the band was currently formulating a response. “If you want it come and get it,” he told WWNews. “Suckin’ up the juice in the bar, downin’ every shooter so far, checkin’ out the girls… what a sight.”
“These are the finer things in life,” Mr XXX added, with a warning for Mr Rudd. “Don’t think you live in paradise: I’ve got my filly wrapped in red upon my double decker bed.” The SPCA has been alerted.
To the weather now and as befits the first official day of Summer, the outlook for the rest of the week is Autumn and Winter with occasional Spring in the Steppes.