November 6, 2014 by Doug Coutts
In the wake of Warner Brothers’ embarrassing backdown that saw it not only shifting the Hobbit 3 worldwide premiere to Putaruru but appointing all New Zealand Hobbit fans, not just the outraged ones, to seats on its board, the United Nations Security Council has joined in, announcing that all outraged New Zealand Hobbit fans will be Inner Circle members for Perpetuity.
The move has been hailed as a victory for bedroom recluses everywhere. Spokesfairy for the Berhampore Hobbiton Lambas Eaters Collective, Desna LeCaulthear, said that justice had at last been done.
“Everyone knows that New Zealand is the inspiration for the series of Hobbit books by Mr Tolkien,” she told WWNews on condition we tried not to smirk at her fake no crikey they’re real pointy ears. “He was so impressed by pictures of the landscape and portraits of the people he felt compelled to base the entire series here, as well as his later LOTR quintet. So really the Hobbit has always been ours. Even the Prime Minister says so – and he should know.”
Ms LeCaulthear said members of the Collective would be celebrating by brushing their teeth and dressing in their finest finery before flying out to New York to take their places at the Security Council table. “I hope they have vegan food on the plane,” she added.
A spokesperson for the United Nations, Soo Keenondippurblickteet, said appointing the group to one of the world’s top sinecures was a sensible idea. “There is a lot of unrest in the world,” he said. “The United Nations works hard to fix that, one ninny at a time.”
In other news, Auckland police have confirmed that a body found seated at a computer waiting for Facebook to load is that of a dead person.
Sports and the All Blacks will face England later in the week. They may also turn side on and possibly spend some time looking in the opposite direction, while moving quickly. Rugby can indeed get a bit complicated.
To the weather and an anti-cyclone in the Tasman Sea will bring warmer weather to northern parts of the country later today, followed by Taranaki and the Tararua District. What they were both doing in the Tasman Sea is anyone’s guess.