Dotcom not interested in buying election

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September 8, 2014 by Doug Coutts

dotcom-helmetA source close to teutonic tearaway Kim Dotcom says the cagey bazillionaire has no plans to buy the Government in this month’s general election, in fact far from it.

“Kimmy’s not the sort of person to buy his way into politics, despite what scumbags like you are saying,” the Internet Party’s media mangler Cam Porkery yelled at WWNews earlier today. “He prefers to rent. Month by month, or asunder if need be. Now sod off.”

In other news, the report that former apple of the Prime Ministerial eye Judith Collins has been likened to Princess Diana by her sister appears to have been a misprint. “I didn’t say Princess Diana,” the sis told WWNews. “I said Austin Princess – you know that one with the huge boot, paper-thin paintwork and a hopelessly underpowered unit under the bonnet.”

The hydraulics were also a problem, Miss Collins snr said. “No matter how much you’d tighten the connections, by morning she’d’ve leaked everywhere. She spent most of the time we had her up on blocks.”

Meanwhile, controversy is raging at the current Festival of the Haka haka festival in Ngongotaha after one team was disqualified for playing a full rugby game at the beginning of their performance. Organisers defended their actions, said they feared streakers would detract from the dignity of the event.

In other sports news, three streakers were taken to hospital suffering from frostbite during the men’s semi-final at the Inverness Curling Championships yesterday, and another is in intensive care in Bialystok after attempting to gatecrash the Biennial World Parapenting Masters’.

To the weather, and spring is in the air. The rest of the cheapshit hotel pen is in the bin, and that stain is never going to come out. The shirt was new, sod it.

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