September 4, 2014 by Doug Coutts
“I pulled a muscle moving from capslock to backspace,” Mr Slater told WWNews in an unguarded moment. “I hadn’t expected taking legal action to actually involve physical activity. I’ll be taking it easy for a while.” Mr Slater’s doctor has prescribed topical amphetamines and complete bed rest, just to be annoying.
Meanwhile New Zealand’s three biggest media outlets have expressed relief at the cessation of legalities. “Thank goodness for that,” Prem Achur of Greenlane Mags, Fags and Bags said, as the owners of Video Ezy Devonport and Twizel Books nodded in agreement. “We can’t be expected to waste valuable time in court when there are newspapers to sell. There still are newspapers to sell, aren’t there?”
Staying with politics, Judith Collins has denied she’ll be mounting a leadership challenge. “I’ll just have it popped in a jar of formaldehyde,” she said to WWNews. “It’ll keep better.”
To sports now, where the haka is expected to become part of all sporting fixtures involving anyone who can spell New Zealand. It will be performed at the start and conclusion of all games, during half-time and whenever anyone scores, especially on the field of play. Haka All Ova proponents deny this will disadvantage other teams. “They are free to use the time as they wish,” said one. “Writing letters home, doing some tai chi, constructing a small outbuilding – it’s all win win.”
And finally the weather, where rain is expected in most parts of the country, except for patches of drizzle in restaurants where they’ve been watching too much Jamie Sodding Oliver.