Seven signs your blogger is a rabid right-winger

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July 18, 2014 by Doug Coutts

SULAWESI or CRESTED BLACK MACAQUE (Macaca nigra).   Sulawesi, Indonesia.There’s a plethora of political blogs out there and it’s often hard to tell which ones are good and which ones are less bad.  Sometimes it’s even difficult to work out which way the blogger is leaning politically – although if the terms ‘family values’ and ‘anal probes’ appear in the same sentence, it’s probably someone from the Conservatives.  Likewise, if the first three paragraphs are in Maori, it’s Catherine Delahunty.

As a public service, WWNews is pleased to present a guide to telling if the blog you’re struggling with at the moment is the work of a raving loony pitbull crack addict who makes Sarah Palin look like Kennedy Graham on valium.  Because you really don’t want to read one of those.

  1. 95% of every blog is a cut’n’paste from a John Keys press release with “I told you so…” at the top and “Glad someone’s making sense” on the bottom.
  2. Your blogger wears a tie just to stop dribble ruining the Don Brash t-shirt.
  3. When your blogger appears on Jim Mora’s show, every statement is prefaced with “As I read in the Herald…” or “As Mike Hosking said to me the other day…”
  4. Your blogger looks just like someone who got kicked out of polytech for stealing all the pies from the café chiller and eating them on the spot should.
  5. Your blogger is the only one bidding at the Wicked Campers liquidation auction.
  6.  At the premiere of What We Do In the Shadows your blogger is the only one not in costume but still manages to be the palest there.
  7. Your blogger claims to be a journalist not because it lends credibility but because it might mean getting off a charge that carries a prison term.

Tune in next time, when we’ll explain how to tell a left-wing blog by the number of paragraph breaks per thousand words. (Hint – it’s fewer than one.)

 

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