Local man plans to build memorial to appease IRD

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July 12, 2014 by Doug Coutts

A Johnsonville man, said to owe three gazillion dollars and his firstborn to the IRD, has announced his intention to build a memorial on the berm outside his house. Spencer Fabbits, speaking to WWNews in a thick JVillian accent, said the memorial should go a long way in settling the debt he had with Inland Revenue.

“They’ve been very patient over the past few years,” he said.  “Every time I assured them I’d be sending them a cheque in the next few months they were happy bordering on gleeful.  And when I didn’t, they were relatively nice about it.  So when I saw what the Government was doing for the people of Christchurch, I realised a memorial was a cost-effective alternative to the alternative.”

The memorial will be in the shape of a statue of Prime Minister John Keys, made from recycled timber.  “It was going to be Judith Collins,” Mr Fabbits said.  “But I only had one plank and it was too long.”

A spokesperson for Inland Revenue, Andy Tovernowe, said while the memorial was a nice idea, his office would still pursue their client for full repayment.  “Imagine if we let him off,” Mr Tovernowe said.  “There’d be John Keyses and Gerry Brownleeses lining the streets.  And that would be just awful.”

The unveiling is set down for next Monday, just after the non-ferrous recycling truck is scheduled to pass by.

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