July 6, 2014 by Doug Coutts
Denny Kister, 67, has been trying to report a problem with his landline since late 2011 and was overjoyed to finally be making contact. “Standing in one spot has been a bit arduous,” Mr Kister shouted over his hedge to WWNews. “I’ve had to let the housework slide a bit. But I’ve got through now and that’s the main thing.”
Mr Kister expects the world’s media to beat a path to his door after hearing of his good fortune. “A machete might do the job a bit better but,” he said.
A spokesperson for Vodafone, Jess Aarngip, said the three-year wait was highly unusual. “Most of our customers give up at the 85 minute mark,” she told WWNews only after we’d spoken to twelve people in Manilla and one in Mumbai first. “And that’s important to us. It shows that people value our service highly enough to put off doing other things in order to try and make contact.”
Ms Aarngip rejected suggestions that treating customers with such obvious contempt would cause them to take their business elsewhere. “Where they gunna go – Telecom? Don’t make me larf innit – that’s where most of them came from.”
As a footnote to the story, Mr Kister’s problem has yet to be addressed, but he has signed to a three-year deal that gives him Soho and the Korfball Channel, 100TB a month and 60 million free texts. “I spose I’ll have to buy one of them computer things now,” he said. “And a cellulite phone.”