PM postpones pro-Banks speech

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June 7, 2014 by Doug Coutts

images (1)New Zealand’s most popular prime minister for oh about a fortnight, John Keys, told a hastily dressed press conference this afternoon that he would not be addressing the nation as planned tomorrow.

“I was going to say a few words in support of this country’s most honestest and integretitious politician John Banks but I’ve decided to wait until the timing is better,” Mr Keys said in between those annoying little hissing noises he makes when he wishes he was back at the trading desk.

The speech, called “Banksie: as honest as the day is long”, has been delayed until June 21st.

In other Prime Ministerial news, Last Week Tonight’s John Oliver has refused to do a Tony Abbott-style roast on John Keys, citing a little-used shooting fish/barrel law.

Staying with politics, rumours of a rift in the Mana Internet party alliance are continuing to gain traction, with senior Mana members reported to be upset over room allocation at next week’s live-in combined policy inventing conference. The newly appointed deputy assistant media relations manager for the Internet side, Lila Lyrapantonsfire, said it was all a misunderstanding.  “Somebody thought they heard us say we should get John Minto into a suite.  We actually said ‘suit’.  It’s going to be a lengthy process.”  Mr Minto was unable to comment, as his megaphone batteries had gone flat.

To the weather now and the Met Office is predicting a mild winter, which is better than a wild Minto. (Enough of the Minto-baiting – we’ll be next after Bob Jones: Ed.)

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