April 26, 2014 by Doug Coutts
Leader David Cunliffe said that although the party was assured of victory in the forthcoming election thanks to the announcement of the two new cornerstone policies and the shedding of a substantial amount of deadwood in recent weeks, Labour was not finished yet.
Mr Cunliffe refused to go into detail, saying that was what usually got him into trouble, but party sources close to the exit said that, if elected to govern, Labour would bring in legislation that would allow all blank Scrabble™ tiles to assume the points value of the letter they were pretending to be.
“This will be a game-changer,” said a relieved Mr Cunliffe. “Fairness and equality are core Labour values and this policy shows we are truly the best choice for voters in October. September.”
Mr Cunliffe went on to say that Scrabble™ would be a major stepping-stone in the path to economic recovery giving New Zealand a triple word score rating, before he was rushed away to another appointment.
In other news, Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott is in trouble again, this time for breaching Royal Protocol by touching Prince William. Poking and prodding Royal Visitors has been a regular pastime for Australian politicians but Mr Abbott is adamant this time was an accident. “It wasn’t my fault,” he told viewers of a hastily arranged live breakout in the footy. “The wind got up and blew one of my ears into his face. We were lucky – any closer and the bugger might have lost a tooth.” Mr Abbott said he would have his ears repinned, once a tougher alloy was discovered.
To the weather now and the weather is settled over most of the country, although it’s got restless leg syndrome in Opotiki and seems to be snoring down south.