Shane Jones changes mind, returns to Parliament

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April 23, 2014 by Doug Coutts

3798012Former-ex-Labour MP Shane Jones has just announced he will not now be leaving Parliament or the Labour Party as he had previously just announced.

“I am announcing I will not be taking up the job offer made to me by Murray McCully,” Mr Jones told a hastily dressed press conference near the Speaker’s Chair moments ago. “It has become apparent that the munificence of the Minister was less than originally perceived so I will be staying where I am and will continue to wage war against supermarkets while being secretly pleased whenever someone brings up the Mastercard thing, sly old dog that I am.”

WWNews understands the fisheries role on offer turned out to be at Johnsonville’s Lucky Silver Prawn Restaurant.  A spokesman for Mr McCully, Mickey O’Valley, said no comment would be forthcoming, although obfuscation would be likely.

In other news, doubts have been cast over whether the once-in-500-years storm that ravaged Greymouth over the weekend has actually occurred before, around 500 years ago.  “We’re having trouble rounding up eyewitnesses,” Mayor Tony Kokshoorn admitted to WWNews.  “The bloke who said he remembered it now reckons he got his dates muddled due to the Millennium Bug affecting his iPad.  We’ll be seeking financial assistance from the Gummint to sort it all out.”

Staying with the weather – and predictions are that it’s set to continue.  That’s good news for people with long-term investments or plans for Queen’s Birthday weekend.

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