March 30, 2014 by Doug Coutts
“The results are conclusive,” St Dotcom told WWNews via IRC. “There are enough people in New Zealand keen to see me run a government by myself.” He added that the poll respondents were equally split – 50% preferring he govern Wallis and Futuna, with the rest plumping for Iceland.
In other news, North Korean men are said to be untroubled by the requirement to have their hair cut in the style of their country’s Leader. “It could be worse,” said one man who wished to be anonymous lest we attempt a crude racist pun on his name. “We could live in London.”
Staying with London, Buckingham Place has released a new photo of George. Already there’s criticism from purists upset there’s no sign of the 27 peanut butter sandwiches.
Goodwill ambassador and movie star Russell Crowe is angered by suggestions that his performance in “Noah”, the film based in part on a story in The Little Golden Book of Nature Tales with out-takes from The Hobbit, will win him a Best Actor nomination in next year’s Oscars. “You have to act to be eligible,” he snarled at reporters cowering behind their camera ops.
Mr Crowe said his next project will be a retelling of the Battle of the Somme in World War 1. “I’ll play the commander-in-chief, Napoleon,” he told journalist who were by this stage hidden in nearby trees. “We’ll shoot in the real locations – Tunisia and Johnsonville – and will be using authentic weapons of the time. I’m taking assegai lessons.” Mr Crowe is expected to wear several bad wigs and not smile once during the 3 hour epic.
To the weather now and… sorry, I have to take this call. It’s from United First.