Bono buys several Irish counties – plans to rehouse Africa there.

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March 5, 2014 by Doug Coutts

images (2)Unassuming rock legend Bono has announced he has made an offer to buy several adjoining counties in the Republic of Ireland and hopes to use the space to rehouse all the starving people of Africa.

“To be sure, it’s all green and boggy right now,” he told WWNews on condition our reporter didn’t look directly at him.  “But we can fix that and no mistake diddly dee potatoes.”

Mr Bono says he will use the profits from the sale of tour t-shirts and other memorabilia, mostly to a freelance tv camera operator from New Zealand, to finance the deal which will see Kilkenny, Wexford, Waterford, Cork and Kerry leveled and replaced by large multi-storeyed housing estates built in the shape of large shamrocks.

“The starving people of Africa won’t be able to thank me enough when they see their new homes,” Mr Bono enthused.  “Many won’t have seen a combo shub let alone a double-door pantry and it’s just great to know I’m able to make a difference.”

Mr Bono said he was in the early stages of writing a rock opera based on the venture, the proceeds of which will be paid into his bank account in the Caymans.  “Sure and haven’t the good folk of Britain’s Inland Revenue got enough to do without worrying about me?” he smiled benignly as a single ray of sunshine lit him from behind.

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