Parliament TV cost-cutting begins with switch to monochrome


March 1, 2014 by Doug Coutts

Prime Minister John Keys – being monochrome only enhances his credibility.

The move will save several dollars a week, according to PTV spokesperson Fay de Tubleck.  “We’ll be able to put many of our colour pixels on Trademe,” she told WWNews on condition we pointed out which MP was talking as there’s so many it’s sometimes hard to tell. “That should provide a steady revenue stream.  Plus there’ll be even more savings as we can switch the red and green tubes off in the camera and thusly reduce the electricity bill.”

Ms de Tubleck said the decision to switch from colour broadcasting was not just down to budgetary constraints.  “Most viewers were only tuning in to see what atrocious colour combination Tony Ryall had on – now he’s going, there seems little point.”  The Government is giving its full support to the change, with Senior Minister Paula Bennett offering to tweet every time her hair changes colour.

In other news, the troubled inter-island ferry Aratere has made it to Singapore where shipbuilders have finally found a solution to the propeller-falling-off issue.  Super-long oars are being sourced from a nearby teak plantation and recruiters are in Indonesia hiring galley staff.

And beleaguered newsreader Peter Williams is nonplussed at reports that the tweet he read out the other night was non-factual.  “I can’t see what the fuss is all about, frankly,” he told WWNews on condition he could call us that. “Very little of what I read out on air contains any of your actual facts.  They make it all up.  Even my gravitas is ersatz.”

To sport now and former Black Cap Chris Cairns has denied being approached by bookies before a cricket match several years ago.  Or anyone else for that matter.  “I think it was a hygiene thing,” he told a women’s magazine.  “But since switching to Rexona, I’ve had no probs.”

Finally the weather, where a southerly change is sweeping up the country.  South is now where East was, and North becomes WWE.  Get to Bunnings smartly to get your updated weathercock.  (Don’t call me that.)


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