I’m not courting Jesse or Shapelle either: Norman

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February 13, 2014 by Doug Coutts

Metiria-Turei-and-Russel-Norman--election-night--26nov2011--Getty-ImagesGreens’ co-leader Russel Norman, under fire for his alleged dealings with celebrity rich kid Kim Dotcom, has denied he’s also approached troubled cricketer Jesse Ryder and bikini designer Shapelle Corby to form a new political party that people will naturally assume to be allied with the Greens.

“It’s not true in the slightest,” Dr Norman told WWNews on condition we bought a book of tickets in the tofu steak pack raffle.  “We went out, had a few drinks, tried on a few two-pieces and that’s all.  Undoubtedly, both Jesse and Shapelle have attributes that would enhance the Green brand, like an ability to get headlines without looking wimpish and silly, but that’s not what we talked about.”

Dr Norman, whose conservationist values appeared early in life when he shunned a ‘wasteful’ second L in his forename, declined to comment on what was actually discussed.  “The Green Party believes in total honesty, with just a frisson of coyness in an election year,” he winked.

In other news, the Wellington Sevens organisers believe they may have the answer to the tournament’s drunken woes. Spokesman Ivor Preist told WWNews the marketing focus will change.  “In an attempt to reduce the number of drunken spectators we’ll advertise it in future as a sports event,” he said.  “That’s been proven to work at the Caketin as anyone following the Phoenix will know.” Food and beverage prices will remain the same, Mr Preist added, but banking staff will be on hand to help with on-the-spot mortgages for anyone shouting their mates.

Back to politics briefly:  the Prime Minister Sir John Keys has announced that, in honour of Charles Darwin’s birthday, Parliament will produce a special Darwin Awards show.  Previously known as Question Time, the show will run Tuesday through Thursday from 2 o’clock.  Tickets are free.

To the weather now and a dismally wet band is crossing central New Zealand.  Look out for a Ford Transit with ‘Experience U2’ written, in soap pen, on the side.

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