January 30, 2014 by Doug Coutts
Mr Slater quickly removed the offending article, a critique of slipping editorial standards at the ODT, but not before he had received a death threat. “The invitation to Octagon Fun Day has made me think,” Mr Slater leaked to WWNews. “I think I need to roll back from the keyboard and take stock.”
While he’s away rustling, Mr Slater plans to install a temporary replacement blogside. “The blog pretty much writes itself these days,” he said. “You just have to cut and paste large chunks of someone else’s blog, or a press release, or even an email, and space them out with a line of text in-between.”
Mr Slater said he had even prepared a selection of one-liners for that purpose. “Things like ‘What rot…’, ‘In your dreams…’, ‘Yeah right…’ and ‘Typical clueless rant…’ have always worked well,” he said. “And utter nonsense – that’s not a line but an instruction.”
Mr Slater says he’ll be taking an extended holiday – “I haven’t had one for a while” – down to the West Coast. “I’ve always wanted to see Pancake Rocks”, he said. “I wonder if they’re real pancakes. I hope so.”
In other news, an elderly Johnsonville rest home resident is clinging to life. “They took my Pictorial Weekly and my Truth, but they’re not getting this,” he shouted through the barred windows of his third floor cell um er spacious apartment. “It’s got Grace Kelly on the cover.” Rest home staff refused to comment as they were too busy rolling out the fire hoses.
And Attorney-General Chris Finlayson will be released from hospital today after being admitted for tests overnight following an induced comma.
To the weather now, and the fine spell is set to continue, with the brinded cat expected to mew thrice while the hedge-pig whines a bit longer. You might need to light the fire later to keep the cauldron bubbling.