Local man admits he didn’t help Lorde

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January 28, 2014 by Doug Coutts

article-2416637-1BBAD958000005DC-581_306x471A Northern Suburbs rest-home resident has turned himself into police saying he was not in any way responsible for Kiwi songbird Lorde’s recent success overseas.

“I feel I’ve let my country down,” he told WWNews through a lawyer and a crackling phone line. “I know everyone else has done the hard yards over the past 4 years to get her to where she is today, but I just sat on my hands.”

The man, who has been granted name suppression until the court registrar can decipher his signature, said he’d been offered the chance to co-write lyrics, make sandwiches for the recording engineers and even sing backing vocals but left it to others to step up to the plate. “As soon as heard she was heading for Number One in the charts, I should have polished my silver fern and practised the haka. But instead I let someone else take the credit.”

Lorde’s support team Everyone in New Zealand has expressed its condemnation of the man’s attitude. Spokesperson Nash Listick-Ferver said he was outraged. “It sucks, frankly,” he told WWNews. “We’re just a small country boxing above its weight. No one can succeed on their own, especially if they have raw talent. The whole country needs to get behind them, once they have established themselves.”

Mr Listick-Ferver cited Lydia Ko and Dame Eleanor Catton as other examples of Kiwis who wouldn’t have got anywhere under their own steam. “And Kim Dotcom too – although the boxing/weight metaphor doesn’t really work,” he added.

The rest-home resident is scheduled to appear in court next Thursday, unless he places a fiver on the Black Caps to win against India before then.

In other news, celebrity megastar Paul Henry is pleased with the way his show went last night. Others are just pleased it went.

To the weather now, and there are showers predicted for the central and southern regions of New Zealand, with jacuzzis for Paritai Drive and weekly baths for Inglewood.

 

 

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One thought on “Local man admits he didn’t help Lorde

  1. Singapore Airlines says:

    Devilishly clever…

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