NZ Film Industry role model for others, says PM

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November 6, 2013 by Doug Coutts

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Reports that the NZ Film Industry is close to collapse are exaggerated, according to the country’s most popular Prime Minister this decade, John Keys.

“The film industry is a vibrant and thriving business, that which all New Zealanders can be proud.  Of,” he told WWNews on condition the reporter became an independent MP and supported the gummint.  “In fact, I’m recommending to Cabinet we adopt the Film Industry model for all businesses in New Zillan.”

Mr Keys, who’s gaining notoriety during Question Time for starting all his answers with an invocation to distant relative Norbet Waugh Tye-Willsay, said that an adaption of the scheme had already started.  “My minster for Ennercomic Delfment, Steven Joyce, has all the details.”

Mr Joyce was too busy readying North Otago for sale to be interviewed.  However he did release a statement outlining the basic three-act format for economic recovery.

Under the proposed plan, most businesses would no longer be required to pay employees, instead offering them a ballpoint pen emblazoned with the company’s logo and the opportunity to be re-employed later with the possibility of another pen at a later date.

Selected businesses will be funded by the Government on condition they produce nothing worthwhile, on an ongoing basis.  Businesses showing potential will be given little assistance to look for assistance somewhere else.

There will be a special top-tier funding category where the country’s wealthiest businesspersons will pay a special negative tax rate, while receiving an extra-special subsidy for not hiring anyone belonging to a union.  Extremely wealthy foreign business people will receive the same benefits, as well as low-interest housing loans, but only if they take their business out of the country completely five minutes after committing to the local long-haul.

Mr Joyce says that the scheme will put New Zealand firmly on the world stage as a major player before going straight to DVD.

In other news, a part-time blogger has taken to reading the NZ Herald online in a desperate attempt to find something interesting with which to pad out his blog but to no avail.

To the weather now, and most of New Zealand will be covered by cloud, much like Toronto’s Civic Chambers.

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