October 10, 2013 by Doug Coutts
The Prime Minister, Sir John Keys, has announced he will step down from the nation’s top job with immediate effect, according to a media release glimpsed over the shoulder of a real reporter by a WWNews staffer late last night.
Mr Keys, who agreed that a knighthood was going a step too far, said he was vacating the office after being made aware of a tweet from famous footballer Sonny Bill Williams. “He said he thought he might like having a go at running a country at some stage,” Mr Keys said. “So frankly I had no other choice.
Mr Keys said he’d been seeing the writing on the wall for some time, thanks to a special deal at SpecSavers.
Sonny Bill was unavailable for tweeting at press-time but said through his agent that being Prime Minister was something everyone should do once in their life. “He accepts that some people may not agree,” assistant agent Todd Geebarr-Stead told WWNews. “But we have to look after his interests. What’s good for Sonny Bill is good for us. And the rest of the world too, ultimately.”
Mr Williams will take up the reins during halftime at New Zealand’s first RLWC game and will stay in office until the fulltime whistle unless he gets bored beforehand. Mr Keys will continue in his position as CEO and main media contact of Smarm, Bluster & Bumble in the interim.
In other political news, the RQP (Relentless Quest for Publicity) Party, founded by webmeister Kim Dotcom, has announced its main policies today which, perhaps surprisingly, propose high levels of government support for obscure 30s art.
“We want to protect Dada,” he told WWNews while handing over a large diamond encrusted business card. “Everyone needs unrestricted excess to their own Dada and everyone else’s too. I mean access of course. Dada is crucial to everyone’s well-being and I want to ensure it’s kept safe, in my safe preferably.”
Mr Dotcom was unsure if the new arts policy would extend to Bauhaus. “We think all dogs should be licensed and have to wear large collars with spikes, but where they sleep is their business.”
To the weather now and most parts of the country will experience clouds. They’ll probably block the sun, and rain and snow on everyone, so many things you won’t get done. Bummer.