June 21, 2013 by Doug Coutts
Several commonly-used phrases will be banned on Facebook pages from midnight tomorrow, it was announced via twitter earlier today. FB media liaison Sue Shalney-Twirque said that currently many innocuous threads tended to become inordinately lengthy when one or more of the soon-to-be-proscribed threads were used.
“Some people respond with comments that do nothing to enhance the original post, foster discussion or even raise a smile,” Ms Shalney-Twirque told WWnews on condition we clicked on an ad for weight-loss cream. “Accordingly we hope to conserve space on our servers, by automatically removing posts containing the offending phrases. That means posts will be less lengthy and our clients will be able to spend more time clicking on our advertisers’ I mean sponsors’ I mean randomly generated links that have been assessed in an online survey to improve your internet experience.”
The phrases include “How would you like it if…”, You wouldn’t say that if one of your loved ones…” and “It makes me sad/angry that…”. Facebook calculates that over 45 Terabytes of data will be saved per hour, although it acknowledges the downside will be a surfeit of pissed-off middle-class new-age Pollyannas with nowhere to let off steam.
To the weather, and the entire country will remain in the grip of a blast of hyperbole and cliché as the networks’ weather presenters relish getting more air-time than the sports guys.