Prime Minister won’t fire Gilmore after seeing next on list

Leave a comment

May 10, 2013 by Doug Coutts

English: Pot bellied pig at Lisbon Zoo

Self-styled maverick MP and intensely boring person to everyone else Aaron Gilmore looks set to keep his fleshy mottled snout a-snuffle in the public trough for at least another 16 months as Prime Minister John Keys refuses to fire him.

“I can’t sack him,” he told WWNews through an interpreter (a kid from Johnsonville Remedial School with adenoids and a Croatian accent). “It’s got nothing to do with the risk of him staying as an independent and reducing my majority to a dangerously low figure, it’s because I’ve seen who’s next on the party list. Frankly, we were scraping the bottom of the barrel five resignations/defections ago; Aaron was so far under the barrel bottom it wasn’t funny. And he still isn’t.”

Mr Keys says the public will soon forget about the Gilmore debacle. “Banksie will deflect the heat for a while and if that doesn’t work, Dotcom’s in the wings and I’m sure we can dig up something on Russel Norman.”

In related news McDonald’s is denying reports they’re pursuing Mr Gilmore to be proud sponsor of its new Georgie Pie. “Sure, he’s pasty, greasy, flabby and of little real substance,” McDonald’s spokesperson Duane Fry-Swithatt told WWNews. “But we’re waiting to hear from the Seven Sharp presenters. [Pasty, Greasy and Flabby.  Geddit?]  If they don’t sign, we might consider Aaron. If he does something with his hair.”

In sports, Manchester United says Wayne Rooney is not for sale. They’ll consider a straight swap for two planks or a pile of pig manure.

To the weather and an icy front is sweeping up from Antarctica this evening. A warm back is unlikely.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

May 2013
« Apr   Jun »

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 199 other followers

wordpress analytics
%d bloggers like this: