Aaron Gilmore to run for Mayor of Auckland

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May 5, 2013 by Doug Coutts

English: A statue of Dove-Myer Robinson, forme...

The most important man ever in New Zealand politics and wearer of Parliament’s worst mullet (apart from Gerry Brownlee’s and he’s a keen fisherman), Aaron “Kiss my Dust” Gilmore, has announced that he plans to run for the Mayor of Auckland next year.

“I have people working on my fitness.” He told WWNews on condition we bowed and walked backwards when we left the room. “So come next year I should be able to manage a hundred metres, if Len Brown wants to watch.”

Mr Gilmore has scarcely been out of the news all afternoon, since news broke of his putting uppity serving persons in their place. He claims to be merely following National Party policy however. “We in the John Key-led aristocracy are all for equal treatment of the working classes. We treat them all with the same level of contempt. If they had worked harder they would be millionaires too.” Mr Gilmore was unable to respond to questions about his own personal fortune, saying it was National Party policy not to brag or show off.  Much. Apart from in Caucus.

In showbiz news, Kirsten Stewart has been named the world’s best-dressed woman. WWNews hasn’t been able to arrange an interview, largely because we don’t know what continent she lives in, let alone what she looks like or what the name of her latest novel is.

To the weather and Auckland is expected to have a few showers this evening leading to live updates from breathless teenaged television reporters.

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