Trans-Aotearoa Cycleway now into second metre

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April 28, 2013 by Doug Coutts

Another bag of cement may be needed soon, warns construction manager

Cracked-PavementThe John Key Memorial Cycleway is on schedule and under budget, according to the Prime Minister. In his keynote National Party Conference address to the party faithful (which wasn’t very many by then, given the lashings of free Chardonnay the night before and the generally loose morals of the party’s mostly nouveau-riche membership), Mr Keys said he was happy to report that his sop to the 2008 swinging (chortle) Green vote had already created 50,000 new jobs, mainly in the inner tube repair industry, and would soon link 28 and 30 Cherryblossom Grove in Sunnynook.

“This is another example of the Government delivering on its promises,” he told those in the audience who weren’t having huddled conversations reassuring each other that what goes on at Conference stays at Conference. “All right, it’s the only example. But we can blame the previous Labour Government for that. I’d like to see them trying to build a cycle lane – it’d probably not be very good!” Lengthy and relieved applause followed, interspersed with hurried calls to florists arranging for bouquets to be sent to delegates’ partners.

Mr Keys also took the opportunity to welcome back his speechwriter, recently returned from undertaking work experience with the Bieber entourage on the German leg of its world-wide debacle.

In business news, the Australian dollar is holding firm against the kiwi, but wait till that kea gets a go: plastic fibres or not, it’s stuffed.

Overnight weather will be hard to see as it’s usually dark then.

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