April 27, 2013 by Doug Coutts
In other news, threatened tea-breaks are planning a march on Parliament after the Government announced country-wide redundancies. Under a bold new innovative initiative aimed at getting Labour Minister Simon Pretty-boy Bridges more airtime, employers will no longer have to give workers 10 minutes every couple of hours to have a smoke, a cuppa or a slash on company time.
The Minister was unavailable for comment as he was away at a teeth-whitening appoi.. conference, but spokesman Ivor De Greefrim-Lincoln told WWNews the law change would have benefits for employees. “They’ll be able to focus better,” said, shifting from one foot to another. “They won’t be looking at their watches every half-hour so they’ll be able to keep an eye out for faulty safety cages and speeding forklifts.”
Employers’ Association media manager Letty Meetkayk said the move was a sensible one. “Savings our members make on not having to provide coffee-substitute and tables will be able to be poured back into frontline wealth accretion.” WWNews was unable to talk to any shop-floor workers as something seemed to be wedged under the porta-loo door.
In sport, 22,000 bewildered Wellingtonians attended a three-hour indoctrination meeting at the new Centre for Obscure and Overcomplicated Games, previously called the Cake Tin just to annoy Westpac marketing people. Many said afterwards they quite enjoyed the spectacle although one complained he was seated too far away too actually make out the horses properly and the players’ mallets seemed a little on the small side. “The Australian spectators’ mullets were about what you’d expect but,” he added.
To the weather now and more of the same is predicted for most of New Zealand – fancy-pants presenters dancing in front of giant maps three times every bulletin.