Marriage relieved after bill’s passing

Wednesday Markets fresh peaches for sale-1=

Wednesday’s passing of the marriage equality bill has delighted the institution herself. Esme Marriage, who declined to reveal her age, said the new law has ensured she’ll be around “for a while yet.” “It’s been a rough few years,” she told WWNews. “What with the hippies and the new agers telling all and sundry I was just old-fashioned and a meaningless bit of paper, I took it personally. “

Ms Marriage said she had a brief spell back in the limelight when students in the 80s starting marrying each other to get more allowance, but generally she’s been feeling a bit moribund. “Civil unions and potentially financially crippling pre-nups nearly killed me,” she said. “I did think my time was up, but now there’s going to be a huge rush for walking space down my aisle. I’m going to be very busy.”

The bill is part of the Labour Party’s three-pronged attack aimed at making the world a better place. Phase two, Mondayising Anzac Day, is now also enshrined in law and the third, a bill to protect the rights of all household cage-birds, goes before a select committee soon.

To world news, and a group of researchers in Iceland has come up with an app to prevent accidental incest among the country’s population of 320,000, all descended from a Viking raiding party stranded after a GPS malfunction in 874AD. The app allows people to bump phones to see if they’re related before they waste money on another round of Jagermeisters and is predicted to be more effective than removing one’s sunglasses and just looking. The researchers say the app will have a deactivation key to allow deliberate incest.

Spring is definitely over, according to television weather presenters. Summer’s looking dodgy too and winter isn’t far away, they reckon. I trust them and so should you.


Categories: In Breaking News

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