April 17, 2013 by Doug Coutts
The Minister of Finance Bill English announced today he was bored with his third book, Biggles Flies to Scrabster, and had passed it on to the back benches. “It’s just about planes,” he told WWNews in an exclusive interview. “No cows anywhere.” His pal the PM said he himself had read many books, or maybe several but he was unable to recall that sort of detail. But what he could say was that speaking of books, David Shearer had cooked his. High fives all round.
In other political news, the BBC has banned Rod Stewart’s record “Maggie May” because, according to a reliable source, she was not that kind of woman. “She either did or she didn’t. Equivocality was never an option.”
Local radio stations here have decided to ban “Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead”, “My Dingaling”, anything by Pickettywitch and all other music as it lets them run more commercials and give extra airtime to nutters, crackpots, ninnies and cretins, as well as to people who ring up during talkback time.
The man at the centre of a privacy storm has explained why he had an eel up his bum, in an exclusive interview with WWNews. “I had to get the hamster out,” he said. The SPCA has declined to say whether charges will be laid, or just eggs.
Weather now and the entire country is being rained upon. People walking outside are warned to take extra care when crossing swollen rivers – make sure your trouser cuffs are tightly closed.