April 11, 2013 by Doug Coutts
New Zealand Prime Minister John Keys, currently in China to suck up to whoever’s available, went with other world leaders for some well-earned time-out at to Disney #1 Fun Situation in Shanghai this morning. Apart from not getting sick on the dodgems – “It’s just like driving in Auckland,’ he quipped to a stunned silence – Mr Keys was reluctant to get involved in any other activities. Although many other dignitaries got into the spirit of things donning character costumes, Mr Keys declined the offer of a Mickey Mouse outfit saying he ran one back home.
Mr Keys has yet to confirm whether he’ll be attending Baroness Thatcher’s funeral in London next week. “I know I didn’t go to that one in Vuvuzela ,” he told a packed press conference in his hotel ensuite. “But that was because I was somewhere else at the time. And the Queen is going to this one. And Posh Spice. Probably. And Cliff Richards. It’s a matter of respect.”
In related news, the Prime Minister has panicked music store owners throughout New Zealand who say they will be unable to cope with demand after Mr Keys’s comment that all New Zealanders should learn the mandolin. They say a kazoo would make more sense but you can’t elect one of those.
To sports now and feisty loudmouthed Australian [tautology alert] netball coach Norma Plummer has come out swinging against claims of over-the-top physicality in the current trans-tasman competition. “If those Kiwi girls can’t stand the heat, they should get back into the kitchen,” she told WWNews from a distance because, frankly, we were too scared to get any closer. “Netball is a physical game and I’m telling my girls not to hold back at the breakdown, or the ruck. As for that Irene Van Dyk, she’s no bloody pure-as-the-dribbled-snow innocenti either.” St Irene couldn’t be reached for comment as she is currently on retreat in Tibet where she’s not allowed to tweet. She can squawk though.
Weather time and here’s the long-range forecast. Aga will continue to out-sell Rayburn with Shacklock well behind in third place.