March 29, 2013 by Doug Coutts
Radio New Zealand news bosses have apologised for a mistake made during last night’s midnight bulletin where no mention was made of the ailing cricketer’s condition until just before the weather.
“We’re hugely embarrassed by this oversight,” spokesperson Fay Dursallup told WWNews. “Not only did we not follow the lead of television and print media by offering 5-minutely updates online as well as leading each bulletin with the story, but we neglected to interview at length every person who’d been within a fifteen kilometre radius of the pub at any time in the past year. And to make matters worse, we failed to coyly hint at Jessie’s um er other issues.”
Ms Dursallup says RNZ will be holding a review to see if there’s anyone left in the building who can take the blame. Or make a decent cuppa.
Government to consider more Mondayising
While the bill to Mondayise public holidays like Anzac Day and Harawirathon looks set to be passed, the Government is cagey on suggestions it might look at extending the practice.
“What I can say is this,” the Prime Minister told WWNews in a sure-fire indication that the next few sentences would be smarm-laden cant. “What I can say is this, if New Zealand mums and dads are so keen on Mondayising, we’ll be looking at extending the practice to other days.”
When WWNews took a deep breath and pointed out that there were no public holidays left, Mr Keys rolled his eyes. “Who said anything about public holidays? Wednesday is widely known to be the least-productive day of the week, so out it goes. And Friday afternoons as well. We think that no-one will want to skive off work early and head to the pub on a Monday, so this will mean a huge leap in productivity for the whole country. Especially mum and dad investors. If it happens. I can’t say if it will. Or words with too many sipper balls. ”
Sun to charge for reading online
English newspaper The Sun is about to start charging people wanting to scroll through its mindless online ranting in search of anything remotely newsworthy. This follows the Daily Telegraph’s move to do the same a few weeks ago. Newspapers here are reluctant to comment, saying the jury is still out on pay-per-page viewing. (It’s expected back soon, though, on the tax thing.) WWNews head of operations Sue Dernham says the popular if irregular blogfest is committed to its reader and won’t be asking for any money ever, unless his pocket-money goes up by at least 75%.
To the long-range weather forecast now and after the weekend it will be muggy, followed by tuegy and weggy. Tune in next hour when we’ll be stealing from Beyond Our Ken, or George Formby.