March 17, 2013 by Doug Coutts
March 17, 1846: St Patrick arrives in Ireland, having been bumped off Ryanair for insisting on window seat.
March 17, 1853: St Patrick begins converting Celts to Christianity and Escort van to LPG.
March 18, 1862: All Celts have renounced pagan ways and are fully embracing Catholicism. Interest in joining youth groups seems to be dwindling.
March 17 1902: Escort van still on petrol. St Patrick uses it to drive snakes across Irish Sea, telling ferry staff sacks contain eels.
March 18, 1903: Jellied asp fails to catch on in Holyhead restaurants.
March 16, 1978: Auckland brewery stuffs up entire batch of Lion Brown. Mataura dye manufacturer has surplus of green.
March 17, 1978: St Patrick’s Day hits NZ. Special beer on sale throughout country. Patrons impressed by colour and “real Irish” taste.
March 18, 1978: Government announces police recruiting campaign.
November 30, 2012: Wellington man laments lack of interest in St Andrew’s Day. Receives bag of leeks in consolation.