Close shave but no Brazilian for Pope

English: CoA of Falkland Français : Blason de ...

In a blatant but too late attempt to persuade the influential Falkland Islands to switch allegiances, Argentina has found itself in charge of Catholic WorldDom Enterprises. Well, not all Argentina but enough of it to ensure journalists will be trotting out “first from the Americas” clichés for years to come.

To be fair, Paraguay was never in the running, not with the large number of elderly German tourists who took up residence there in the late 40s. Once burnt, twice shy says the Vatican press office.

As for Peru, Chile, Bolivia, Colombia and the others – there’s always a next time. And you did just have a visit from the next most charismatic world leader to His Eminence, John Keys. His warmth, wit and slight antiseptic odour will keep you talking for decades.

In other news, Parliament has moved a step closer to legalising gay marriage, despite opposition from family orientated groups who say marriage should be kept unhappy. “It worked for my parents,” said K.P.Tillpott-Alldup, leader of ginger group Good Old-Fashioned Cant and Sophistry. “Separate beds in different parts of the country are what made this country great, if not overpopulated.”

Parliament is also one step closer to giving wage and salary workers yet another undeserved perk, by Mondayising Anzac and Waitangi Days. Asked whether freelancers and contract workers were ever likely to receive similar benefits, like holiday pay and sick leave, Prime Minister John Keys said wage and salary earners, like Mum and Dad investors, were the backbone of this country and would keep getting bought off as long as they didn’t use words like “totalitarian state” in letters to the editor. Freelancers were capable of looking after themselves with exorbitant invoicing habits, he added.

To sports now, and listening to Jeremy Coney and Brian Waddell on the wireless is much much better than putting up with the puerile ramblings of Macca and Doullie on the telly. Smithy and Rigger aren’t too bad but.



Categories: In Breaking News

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