Shock horror report: One in two New Zealanders are not female

Leave a comment

March 4, 2013 by Doug Coutts

Trench mortars captured by New Zealanders in W...

However one in two New Zealanders is, a fact lost on most journalists and sub-editors.

Elsewhere, Cardinal Keith O’Brien, Scotland’s top Catholic, has resigned after rumours he did it with some other priests a while ago.  He has also apologised.  “I wish to take this opportunity to admit that there have been times that my sexual conduct has fallen below the standards expected of me as a priest, archbishop and cardinal,” he said.   What he didn’t say was that as a priest he’s not meant to have any sexual conduct at all, not with animate objects any way.  The new Father O’Brien said he would spend the rest of his life in retirement and if required would submit to being defrocked.  “Tuesday afternoons would appear to be the most convenient time,” he told WWNews.

In business news, Rupert Murdoch is to get rid of his Sky TV shares.  “There’s nothing bloody on,” he told WWNews in a collect call from his office on Altair IV.  “Just cooking shows and flipping renovations.  Not to mention all that auction crap.  I’m getting RSI from texting my assistant who has the remote.”  Mr Murdoch said he originally thought the wide range of channels would give him more choice but that hasn’t been the case.  “No, it’s just wall to wall crap.  Crap everywhere.  Even the free-to-air stuff, that’s just crap too.  Except the news – that’s regurgitated crap from my press releases.”  A Sky TV source declined to comment but gave the impression the organisation wasn’t worried.  “We have over a million other subscribers who lap it up and pay extra for ads and crap sport-like marketing events,” she seemed to be saying.

Staying with sports, and it seems like another year where being a fan in Wellington is not going to be much fun.  The good news is that a resigned look gives your facial muscles a much better work-out than a gleeful smile.  Or a smug one.

To the weather now, and officials are wondering how long Autumn will last before some spotty little marketing oick in a newsroom somewhere decides we should call it Fall “like the rest of the world are”.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

March 2013
M T W T F S S
« Feb   Apr »
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 190 other followers

wordpress analytics
%d bloggers like this: