The Missing Emails…

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February 26, 2013 by Doug Coutts

Bloodhound from 1915

Regular readers will be aware that the sleuthing ability of the WWNews team is without parallel.  Or vertical.

Even though some of the correspondence between New Zealand leader P Jackson and his government lackeys has been released, crucial emails have remained hidden.  Until now.  Read on if you dare.  Or if you can scroll down.


From: Peter

To: Warners

Re: Meeting with Gerry

Dear Cecil

Have arranged meeting tomorrow with Gerry about Government chipping in. Only cost to Warners should now be catering for tomorrow’s meeting. 1M should cover it as Gerry has lunch apt with CERA later.


Sir P


From: Warners
To: Sir Jackson
Re: Greedy Actors
Dear Sir
You know how you’re CGI-ing most of the scenery? Can you CGI the actors as well? That would save having to deal with Phil Darkins. (Actually, he’s not too bad until he starts singing.) If we can’t CGI, what about puppets? Can you adapt some Feebles footage?
Thinking beside the envelope

From: Peter Jackson

To: Warners

Re: Over-length

Just found out that a macro problem with WordPerfect has caused us to import most of the Avatar and Brain Dead scripts into the Hobbit final draft. It’s extremely difficult to work out which is which so I propose we shoot the whole thing and fix it in post. We might even get another movie out of it. Think of the extra income from merchandising!




From: Minister Brownlee
To: Warners
Peter J has just told the PM that unless the Government can guarantee him free parking in the Wellington CBD for life, Warners will shift the shoot to Reykjavik. The PM says we can’t be seen to bow to blackmail, unless you can swing him a meeting with Bill Cosby. Or even Chuck Norris. Oh, and thank you for the pies.

From: Warners

To: Prime Minister Keys

Dear Jim

Thank you for all your assistance with getting the Hobbit series shot in your lovely little country. Ordinarily yes, funding 100% of a movie would entitle the donor to a free ticket to the Oscars, but we’ve run out of allocation. Please accept a crew t-shirt and a signed model of Sir Jackson. (Make sure to put it on the stand otherwise it could roll away.) Also please let Gerry know that courier costs are too prohibitive for us to continue sending pies.


Moe, Larry and Curly Warner.



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