Pope springs internal

Cardinal David Beaton (c. 1494 – 29 May 1546) ...

The head Catholic in Scotland, not Ben Doon, says priests should be allowed to marry as many are finding the constraints of celibacy too hard to cope with. He also said that since believing in God was also a bit of a struggle at times they’d be looking at ways to relieve the pressure there as well. And the stupid collars that are so hard to button up – gone.

The King of Tonga is spending the weekend in New Zealand. He won’t be able to get around as much of the country as his dad did.

No wait, this isn’t working. Research shows that blog readers today aren’t a bit like blog readers of yesteryear. They don’t have time to sit down for a minute and a half to read through a couple of paragraphs and try to work out how the accompanying photo is connected. They are people on the move. They are trying to squeeze a lot into their day. They need their blogs in short, sharp segments.

WWNews has taken this on board. (Or, if you’re a sports sub writing headlines – WWNews have taken this on board.) From now on, we’re not going to waste your time with sentences of more than seven words, or any form of paragraph at all. We’ll just cut to the chase, as long as it’s a sprint.

And to make it easier, we’ll use three fonts. Except we can’t, because we’re too mingy to buy the WordPress Pro pack which gives you 1000 fonts, many suitable for English. So we’ll just switch between italics, bold and strikethrough.

Italics will be for the funny stuff, bold is for the serious pieces and strikethrough will be used for when we want to sound like we’re serious but really we’re joking, a stylistic device suggested by the legal department.

So let’s give it a shot:

The ACT Party had its annual meeting today on Alan Gibbs’ farm.

Can’t have been much of a party – nobody turned up.

That was John Banks.

Really? I thought it was one of the farm animals.

ACT is polling at 0.1%.

I thought it was 0.2%

That was so yesterday’s polls.

That was my line.

No it wasn’t.

What do you mean it’s not working? Give it time – the National Convention Centre wasn’t built in a day you know. Tell you what, give it another chance and if it hasn’t out-rated David Farrar in 6 months we’ll call it quits and sell the building to the… um, anyone who wants it.


Categories: In Breaking News


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