Whale protests set to escalate as contributions slow to a trickle

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February 22, 2013 by Doug Coutts

Papio anubis (olive or anubis baboon)

Anti-whaling bodgies Sea Shepherd Corp have declared they are prepared to put their lives on the line if that’s what it will take to keep them in the news and the donations rolling in. “Not only are we prepared to go down fighting,” said stoker and publicist Gran Standing-Prique. “But we are prepared to rupture our fuel tanks and flood the oceans with oil and autographed photos of Paul Watson to show the Japanese to what lengths we’ll go to get rich off Youtube footage.” None of the rest of the crew could be reached for comment – it’s understood they were either in make-up or at elocution lessons.

In other news, eccentric philanthropist Gareth Morgan has dismissed suggestions that all that money has gone to his head. “That’s the thinking part, right?” he said to exclusively to WWNews on condition we bought a faux fur beanie. “I’d know if there was anything jammed in there. And there isn’t.”

TVNZ executives defended comedy series Seven Sharp to a Select Committee at Parliament yesterday, saying they were happy with the way the ratings were tracking and had no plans to pull the show off early. On the way back to the airport, they stopped off at Wellington Hospital’s emergency department to be treated for finger cramp. A Sky Casino spokesman denied the Seven Sharp studio was being wired to take up to 87 new pokies or that Alison Mau had been measured for a bunny uniform.

To the weather now, and after three solid minutes this rain is showing no sign of letting up. What a bad summer.

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