February 18, 2013 by Doug Coutts
Results just in from a recent study show that the appendix, previously not highly thought of, may actually be of some benefit. “We ran a series of tests and conducted interviews,” lead researcher Tess Chewbe told WWNews. “While it’s still way behind the contents and index, the appendix came in ahead of the foreword, errata sheet and even the blurb.” Dr Chewbe launched the study after her librarian uncle mentioned he had long suspected the motives of those “who ripped out the appendix willy-nilly”.
Former Post Office subsidiary Telecom is under fire for forcing 60,000 of its clients to change their email passwords over the weekend, resulting in chaos and the breakdown of law and order as many had to wait on hold for hours trying to sort it all out. “We increased our call centre staff by 50%”, PR spokesman Lou Coverdere said. “Brian and Shirley were grateful for the assistance, but Andrew is inexperienced and a little slower than the other two.” Mr Coverdere said Telecom had taken the complaints on board and would be rethinking the roll-out of its new APNRSP or Arbitrary Phone Number Re-Shuffle Plan.
Edinburgh Zoo officials have announced signs that their two pandas, on loan from China, are showing signs they may be ready to mate. Female Tian Tian has started bleating, unusual in normally quiet panda-dom, while male Yang Guang “has been trying to leave his scent as high up the wall as possible to show his virility”. He’s also been seen trying to cadge spray cans of Lynx off teenage passers-by. Both are tell-tale signs of impending sexual activity in the Panda world, and in Scotland. TV networks throughout Britain are covering the event, with ITV offering a continuous 24/7 broadcast. “Anything to take t’heat off our Kev,” a spokesman said.
The weather now, and a fine chance would be a thing.