February 4, 2013 by Doug Coutts
Summer has returned to Wellington with residents in the outlying suburbs of Mt Victoria and Tory St reporting flooding as well as hail damage to balcony crop fields. Assyrian Basil seedlings and golden courgettes seem to be the worst hit. Metservice predicts balmy sea zephyrs of between 80-85 knots, and a three-day burn-time. Pharmacists are advising hayfever sufferers to stock up on drizabones and chicken soup.
In other news, Northland kuia are jostling for the prestigious job of escorting Prime Minister and kaumatua of Ngati Nouveau Riche John Keys onto the marae at Waitangi tomorrow. Or maybe they’re just jostling. Although jostling doesn’t traditionally involve using your children as blunt weapons.
Long-suffering Meridian Energy has announced it’s having to make redundancies in order to maintain its ridiculously high profit margin. “It’s not easing letting go of your assets,” Meridian’s chief apologist Jennie Wrighter told WWNews. “But we’re emptying our hydro lakes in order to set up rationing and obscene power prices for winter.” Meridian is also investing in fast-growing poplar windbreaks around its Makara turbine farm “in case the hydro solution is not enough”.
To sports now, and Wellington cricketing sensation Jesse Ryder has been sold to the Dehli Daredevils IPL team for over $300,000. In an exclusive interview with WWNews, Mr Ryder says he was relieved at the outcome. “No one wants to go through as many open homes as I have in the past few weeks.”