January 30, 2013 by Doug Coutts
This morning’s announcement by Wellington Sevens organisers that a shortened version of rugby with fewer players will be played at regular intervals during the event has met with widespread disbelief and condemnation.
Refreshment vendors are concerned that any activity on the grassy centre of the Caketin will be a distraction to potential patrons. “It’s hard enough staying in the queues for them as it is,” said Pine Terpillsner, owner-operator of the Guzzleguts beer franchise. “If they go off to watch some footy, they might only have one or two chances to actually get to the front and buy their dozen limit.
One regular attendee, who would only give her name as Shaytuille, said that she was appalled that sports might interrupt her enjoyment. “They’ve never had it before, so why start now,” she said. “Me and my friends, we sit right down the front and wave to our friends up the back. If there’s whistles blowing and that, we won’t be able to hear each other.” Shaytuille says this year she’s going as a character from Twilight as last year’s Hobbit costume was less than successful. “I only got picked up twice, and both times by St Johns.”
Organisers are concerned that the Olympic Committee, in town to decide if Sevens rugby should be included in 2016, might not react favourably to the sight of spectators off their faces, as they have historically restricted that sort of behaviour to competitors.
In other news, internet celebrity Kim Dotdash denies self-publicity was behind him dropping in on the ailing news knight St Paul Holmes on Monday. “Whereffer there are old lonely people, I vill be there,” he said. “But only if they heff cameras.” Mr Dotdash plans to launch phase two of his new ultra-web project at a surprise party for residents of the Dargaville Masonic Home, as soon as the outside broadcast vans can get there.
The country’s heat wave looks set to continue, with temperatures predicted to reach 40 degrees in parts of the South Island later in the week. Rationing is likely in Christchurch, with residents permitted to say “Phew, it’s hot” on alternate days only.
WWNews will be back later tonight, unless Big Wednesday goes our way.