We’re all in this together, you’re just further in than me.

"Save Your Child from autocracy and pover...

Or some pants…

The news that WINZ is to contract out its childcare services has got organisations throughout the country working late into the evening devising crackpot schemes to tap into the pockets of the country’s most gullible, its tax-payers.

First off the rank is Variety, hitherto a club for failed performers desperate for one last glimpse of the limelight, which is offering Kiwi mums and dads the opportunity to pay $35 a month to feed and clothe kids whose parents, presumably other Kiwi mums and dads, aren’t up to the task.

Paula Bennett, whose ministerial roles include Social Development and Getting Up Jacinda Ardern’s Nose, applauds Variety’s gesture, saying it helps those that the welfare system can sometimes miss. (True, she really said it.)

“It’s everyone’s role to be looking after some of those families and those children that are not doing as well.” (She said that as well.)

Well, everyone apart from immediate family, it seems. But nay-saying aside, Ms Bennett’s words have hit home in some quarters and many have taken them – the words and the kids – to heart.

Following Variety’s lead, an Upper Hutt motorcycle club is offering underprivileged children overseas holidays with all the luggage they can carry back, and Acme Chimney Cleansers has undertaken to provide smaller children with pocket money in exchange for light, well dark, duties.

While declining a proposal for sponsored gymnastics from the Roman Catholic Brothers of Sparta, Ms Bennett said her government is grateful to the other groups and individuals stepping up in the country’s hour of need, and would like to hear from anyone who would like to adopt a hospital or perhaps an entire education system. “We’re all in this together,” she said. “And if other people can shoulder some of the burden that will free me up to do more important things, like power-dressing and fake-tannery.” (She might not have said exactly that, the recording gear was having battery problems.)


Categories: In Breaking News

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