Sunday Supplement 27.1

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January 27, 2013 by Doug Coutts

The Not So Unkindest Cut

Following hard on the heels of the BBC’s censorship of Fawlty Towers, and not wanting to be out-done, TVNZ has decided to mount a similar exercise. But the process has not met with much success so far.

“We decided to start by removing the fucks,” explained TVNZ Publicist Lila Lyrapantsonfire.” But we ran into problems straight away – we realised there’d be no one left in marketing or programming. So we’ve had to rethink.”

The new plan will start with the removal of contentious content from Praise Be. “Some of those hymns are dodgy,” Ms Lyrapantsononfire said. “And quite possibly offensive to people who don’t believe in choral music.”

In business news, the merger between Fisher & Paykel and Haier of China has stalled due to a fundamental disagreement over new technology. F&P has developed an innovative process whereby odd socks are removed during the washer’s spin cycle while Haier holds with traditional vaporisation in the dryer. Talks are continuing but, according to sources, a resolution is a long way off.

Meanwhile in sports, Phoenix owners are rejecting calls for the team to play at Wellington’s Newtown Park as an alternative to having fans rattling round in the more expensive Westpac Stadium. “The facilities are better at the Cake Tin,” owners’ spokesman Iseni Podidere told WWNews exclusively. “And because our team colours match the seats, it looks like we have a full house.” The only problem is that a Yellow fever tradition, removing their shirts if the team is winning at the 80-minute mark, might ruin the effect, but, according to Mr Podidere, “there are measures in place to minimise the likelihood of that occurring.”

QE2 over Westpac Stadium, Wellington (53/365)

Full house at the stadium for Phoenix match

And in a breaking story the Prime Minister has announced that Sky City Casino will not be allowed to add another 500 pokie machines in exchange for building a convention centre in downtown Auckland. “That has been perceived as a dodgy deal done behind closed doors, and that’s not a perception the government believes is helpful to its prospects,” Mr Keys said. “But what I can say is that Sky City has generously offered to build a new children’s’ hospital in Helensville, which is likely to be perceived as a better deal all round.” Tenders will be called for later today, in another deal, this time with KFC.

Weather now – and Metservice is predicting fine weather throughout, so Dr Edwards will be sporting a sou’wester and gumboots.

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