NCEA results fiasco – end of the world say anguished teens.

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January 14, 2013 by Doug Coutts

The hoarse foremen of the Apocalypse

In another major blunder in the education sector, and you can bet Hekia is behind this one too, the evil educators at NZQA have dashed the hopes of millions of New Zealand teenagers and ruined their chances of ever going to university, or even the sixth form.  Life as they know it has ceased to exist as they plunge deeper and deeper into the slough of despond and a meaningless job at Bunnings.

In the worst disaster to occur anywhere in the world since whatever it was that killed the dinosaurs killed them, NCEA results were inadvertently posted online for 3.7 milliseconds early on Monday morning, causing heartbreak and angst for the hapless kids who happened to be online at that time.

“I was facebooking, Bejewelling and texting,” said Jayce-Shardine Fnitch.  “And I just looked at NZQA and saw my results.  It looked like I past (sic) but the site went off and I can’t be sure and now I’m stressed and my braces have gone loose and everything.”

Jayce-Shardine’s mother, who declined to be named, said students all over the country will now be in tatters because of the blunder.  “NZQA’s really stuffed it up for all those kids, what chance do they have now?”

An NZQA spokesperson, speaking on condition that we wouldn’t tell the Minister, said people were getting their knickers in a twist over nothing, especially the media.  And I agree.  Back in my day, we had to wait for the postie to put the results in the letterbox.  Mass hysteria, that’s all it is.

Anyway all the results will be available online later in the week.  Except for Jayce-Shardine’s.  Just to send her right over the edge.

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