I never wanted fat hair anyway

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January 13, 2013 by Doug Coutts

warne_1879583cIt must be devastating to find more hairs on your comb each morning than there are remaining attached to your scalp.  Especially if you’re in the public eye a lot, like most Australian cricketers.  With hair thinning faster than a rat up a drainpipe or metaphors mangled in a blog, they’ve taken to wiggery like a pitbull takes to a chihuahua (or it might be the other way round).

And it’s becoming increasingly obvious that pasting  someone else’s discarded tresses to your head not only makes you more desirable with the ladies, it makes you a better cricket player.

It’s not just Ponting, Bollinger, and possibly Mr Hurley who’ve found better form since once again being able to brush hair out their eyes.  Half the English team – all right – Michael Vaughan has had his locks knotted, and the Proteas’ Jacques Kallis hasn’t bowled better since having a zorilla stuck between his ears.

Sadly the idea hasn’t taken off so well in New Zealand.  None of the current Black Caps has bothered to stem the march of time and hairline; in fact a few seem to be doing the opposite.  Could this be the reason for their lack of success in South Africa?  It’s probably worth a try.  Nothing else seems to be workin’ so let’s try a merkin or two while we’re at it.


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